STOP!  This section requires some audience participation: Before continuing, please get up and find a match, light it, and hold it in front of your monitor.

    While Trixie is at work earning money for new tires, Speed Racer launches the Mach 5 from the starting line at a local autocross event (OK, now blow match out and make screeching tire noises) IN A CLOUD OF BURNING RUBBER!!
    Autocross is a sporting event for amateur drivers that want to throw on a helmet and go toss their car around a parking lot for fun. Positions are determined by the times taken from timing lights at the start and finish of the course.  There ARE people that get serious with it, spending lots of time & money on their cars and competing during the season for points.  Really though, why wouldn't you get to a track and do some REAL racing at that point?  It's SO much more fun...
    They use traffic cones in a large parking lot to set up a miniature race track. Very short straights and lots of tight corners keep speeds down & safety up. The SCCA holds these events all over the country.  If you're interested just contact the SCCA for the schedule, grab a helmet and $20 or so, and have a blast!  While it's really not a true measure of a road-going sports car, it's a whole lotta fun and great for sharpening your driving
skills and learning the limits of your car.
    I chose to bring Haifisch rather than the much faster & better handling Phrankentruk because I thought the super-tight course would favor a lighter car.  Also, with so much weight in the back I could just aim for the apex, flick the wheel while letting off the gas and the rear would swing right around. Then I'd just floor it to keep the car sliding to the next apex & do it all again.  I got something like the 5th best
time of the day, beating out a '67 Porsche 911 and Porsche 924 among others.  
    Needless to say, the Porsche guys didn't think it was as funny as I did!  At one point the 911 driver tried to distract me while a teammate sabotaged the Mach 5, but Racer-X suddenly appeared & put the MOJO on them!  Just then the light turned green and I was off! I looked for my savior at the finish line but I could just see the back end of his black car leaving as I was mobbed by dozens of Japanese girls and a monkey.  I MUST find out who that man is!...   
As I was getting ready to leave one of the SCCA guys asked me if I "had a 2 liter back there." I just grinned and said, "Nope, just a stock 1600 dual port."

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